“I’m not blonde, and I’m not skinny. Therefore, I’m not attractive.”
That’s a line straight from my journal in 1999.
I have healed from many things in my past, but I don’t think I ever grieved for the young girl who thought that people would only like her if she was skinny.
According to my January 1999 journal entry, I was on a mission to weight 130 pounds. Thanks to Zoloft, I had gained a good 30 pounds or so from end of sophomore to beginning of senior year, and by the first semester of my senior year I spent a lot of time isolating, reading historical romances, and pining away for a college soccer player I cared about who played me like a fresh fiddle.
This diet gave me new life. A new identity. A new way to really love the skin I was in – because it would come in a much smaller body. According to my journal, I was drinking two special protein drinks a day and going off of carbs, sugar, and caffeine. I was supposedly “retraining my body” to digest and store food, and there was an 85% chance I would NEVER gain my weight back. Continue reading “Diet Before Diagnosis – Is There a Connection?”