Cognitive Dissonance – Why We Can’t Just Get Along

I consider myself a lifelong observer of human nature. I love questioning and digging into motivations and why people respond and interact the way they do. I love people-watching. Since my people-watching opportunities are limited right now, I prefer opinion-stalking on social media.

Lately I have been wrestling with the concept of cognitive dissonance. Once you understand how it works, you can see it happening all over your newsfeeds.

Here is the definition: “the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.”

What this means is when you encounter an opinion or belief contrary to your own, it causes a knee-jerk response of defensiveness, shutdown, or absolute denial that any belief system other than your own could potentially be true. It causes an inability to give anyone the benefit of the doubt because that may mean that your belief isn’t as rock solid as you thought, or maybe – you have been wrong.

For example, let’s bring up the topic of vaccination. This is a hot button topic for so many so it feels like a perfect example to start with. In fact, I can already sense you getting uncomfortable. In my observations, it seems to be more common to shut down someone and call them “anti-vaxxer” than to sit down and ask questions about their decisions and thought process. Why? Because if that person shares that their child was injured by a vaccine, and you have the belief that vaccines are completely safe, it may cause you to question whether you are opening up your own child to injury – and no parent wants to believe that. See? Cognitive dissonance. So we shut down, say those people are ignorant with their “Google degree,” and refuse to listen or give them the benefit of the doubt. I get it because I was once there, too. I didn’t want to consider an opposing view of vaccines.

Now, someone reading this is already shutting down and refusing to read the rest – so to that I would question, why? Why is this offensive to you? I would encourage you to dig into that and maybe sit down with someone who stopped vaccinating their child. You might find, like I did, that no parent chooses to make such an extreme decision for their child without doing a lot of research (beyond a Google search). I would even wager to guess that the majority of parents I know will do anything it takes to keep their kids safe – and that might look different from parent to parent. It may not change your mind, but at least it could create an environment of care and sympathy, something that often seems to be lacking in this controversial conversation.

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I’ll bring up another example to make you even more uncomfortable. White privilege. Systemic racism. “Systemic racism doesn’t exist.” I hear that from time to time. And when that belief gets challenged, it causes more shutdown, more defensiveness, and maybe some articles or videos thrown in. Cognitive dissonance causes such an internal storm that it makes it nearly impossible to listen to anything other than your view. But remember, like my first example, just because you haven’t experienced something yourself doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. For those who don’t believe in white privilege or systemic racism, I’d encourage you to sit down with a person of color. Talk to them about their experience. Listen to their stories. As I mentioned above, you don’t have to change your mind, but maybe you could show someone you care enough to consider an alternate perspective.

Continue reading “Cognitive Dissonance – Why We Can’t Just Get Along”

A Taste of Grace – Interview with Melissa d’Arabian

I was thrilled to get the opportunity to sit down and talk to Melissa d’Arabian, Food Network host and author of the bestselling Ten Dollar Dinners, about her newest book Tasting Grace.

In her book, Melissa describes 16 invitations that transform the way we view food and our relationship with food.

I don’t know about you, but I have felt burdened by all the food rules lately. Everyone has an opinion on what is “good” or “bad” food. This book was a breath of fresh air in shaping my perspective on food as a gift and a joy.

In my interview with Melissa, she talks about why she chose to write this book, the intentional process she went through in forming it, and she shares some of her views that helped shaped the invitations in this book.

If you are feeling caught up and confused in the “eat this, not that” culture we live in, this book and episode of the podcast offers a fresh and balanced perspective. Food can unite us, and we can utilize what we’ve been given to be filled with more gratitude – and grace.

If you love this interview, I can’t recommend the book enough. It is a love letter to food and the Giver of good things. For more information on Melissa, check out her website here.

Be sure to subscribe to the Sparking Wholeness podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts! To access my show page, click the tree to the right!

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Your Diet Is Holding You Captive (And How to Break Free)

Do you resonate with the following scenario?

“Wow. I’m doing so good right now. I haven’t had sugar in like, 12 hours.”

“Crap, there’s a donut. Don’t look at it. Ignore the donut. You don’t need the donut. Think of  how BAD it is for you.”

Ignores donut. A few hours later…

“Oooh, I could really go for that Reese’s peanut butter cup sitting right there. It sounds soooo good.”

A few minutes later…

“Well, it’s only around ___ calories. If I have that, then I just won’t have the apple I was planning on having for a snack. Yeah, that works, I’ll do that.”

An hour later.

“I totally screwed up. I’m so weak. I hate that I can’t have willpower. Ugh, I’ll never look the way I want to look. Bathing suit season is only a few months away. I’m going to be the fat friend again. Guess I’ll go find that donut.”

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“Just one bite”

This was me, almost my entire life. Good foods, bad foods. Restriction, permission. Guilt, shame, pride. Negative self talk.

Dieting completely screwed up my ability to trust my body.

Dieting taught me to be legalistic and judgmental with myself.

Dieting taught me to punish myself with exercise.

Dieting taught me to obsess over numbers… the scale, the size, the label, the amount.

Dieting taught me to say no, even when my stomach was growling.

Do you relate? Continue reading “Your Diet Is Holding You Captive (And How to Break Free)”

My Business IS Your Business

This month marks the launch of my integrative nutrition coaching business!!!

Yes, I am still promoting the life-changing supplements that I love so dearly!

I am expanding my business to include nutrition for body, mind and soul – something I believe we don’t integrate into our lives nearly enough… but has been so crucial for my personal healing.

Last year I went through a program at my church called Repurposed that helped me assess the patterns and passions of my life so far. It was so eye-opening to see repeated themes.

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What I know – I am a TEACHER, number one. I want to inspire people to think differently and learn something about themselves they didn’t know.

What I want YOU to know – I share my story, not because it’s a one size fits all solution to every similar story, but because there are tools we can all implement to live fuller, brighter, purpose-filled lives.

We are three-in-one uniquely designed beings – body, mind, and soul. I would love to partner with you to discover how to spark wholeness in your life.

My 2019 word of the year is SOAR. Soar means to maintain height without flapping wings or using engine power.

In 2019, I want to depend less on my own wing-flapping and engine power and focus on HIS power. I want to rise above fear and negativity and maintain distance from them. I want every move I make to be a reflection of the grace and peace and FREEDOM I have been given as a child of God, and I so desperately want you to experience this true freedom as well, in every area of your life.

Wine Not?

The day started like any other. Kids woke up, ate breakfast, fought a bit, then we headed to the gym (free childcare!) to get some energy out. It’s 500 degrees outside right now and I needed me time. I came home with a recharged battery, but that’s when it all hit the fan.

The soon-to-be-freshman talked back one too many times, so I took away her EVERYTHING. No phone, no technology, no (gasp) music. The 4 year old and 21 month old decided that was a great time to start terrorizing each other. One thing after another. All. Day. Long.

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My two littlest crazies

By the afternoon, I was done. My yoga breaths failed me, and my emotional capability to deal with ANY MORE nonsense plummeted. I needed a way to cope, to self-soothe. I could raid my pantry, I could tune everyone out and hop on my phone to scroll other people’s lives that looked so much more fulfilling, or… I could open up some wine. Continue reading “Wine Not?”

What’s In a Name?

I remember that day at the Social Security office when I went from Brandenburg to Kerry. I wrote my name in the blanks so carefully, the name that I chose to be my legal name for the REST OF MY LIFE. So permanent. To go from 11 letters to 5 was a relief, but to lose the name that connected me to my mom and dad and all my “German” people? It’s a famous gate in the fatherland! It’s a concerto! Not to mention, it’s how I identified myself for 28 years.

I played with the idea of making Brandenburg my middle name, but that’s a mouthful as a middle name even more so than it was as a last name. As hippy-ish as I am in some aspects, I’m traditional when it comes to names. And I chose to go all in and take on the name of Kerry. Continue reading “What’s In a Name?”