Keeping Bipolar Disorder in Remission

Twenty-five and a half years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’ve been living symptom-free for over a decade. I consider myself to be in “remission” from my mental illness, because I no longer have symptoms that plague me, so I no longer fit the diagnostic criteria for bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder comes with a heavy stigma and is often confused with a personality disorder. For me, it meant I had seasons of depression (lasting weeks) or seasons of hypomania/mania (that didn’t last as long). Hypomania was “fun” and led to productivity, but mania was dangerous. If I didn’t sleep, it got worse.

People frequently message me, wanting me to know what I did to become symptom-free. Concerned parents reach out to me, asking me to help their child heal. I think it’s important to note that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Everyone’s illness affects them differently, and every diagnosis has a different cluster of root causes. My root causes were trauma-based and psychoneuroimmunological (I was diagnosed with mono the same month I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and I had immune challenges all throughout childhood).

Another factor that is important in my story is personality. I’m a go-getter and a very determined, curious, research-driven person. When I was first told I would always struggle, I believed what I was told. When I began to see research that indicated otherwise, I dug deeper. I realized that I wasn’t as powerless as I once thought. That brought out a “fighter mentality” in me, and I refused to let my label limit me from living out my purpose.

I understand that for many people struggling for years, the exhaustion of fighting with symptoms can leave you hopeless, and that feeling is paralyzing. I hope the information I share next doesn’t fill you with a greater sense of hopelessness. Instead, I want to spark your inner curiosity to dig into what may be helpful for you to incorporate.

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You Are Not Your Diagnosis

As a mental health advocate, functional medicine practitioner, and someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18, there is a frequently used phrase about bipolar that makes me crazy.

When someone says, “he is bipolar” or “she is bipolar” or “she’s acting bipolar,” I’ll likely get pretty defensive pretty fast. Bipolar disorder is NOT a personality trait.

Mental health awareness is important, but current awareness and discourse sometimes comes at the expense of the over-identification of our personality with symptoms of an illness.

You don’t say “she IS diabetes” or “she IS depression” or “she IS rheumatoid arthritis.” For some reason, bipolar disorder is the only diagnosis and physical illness that becomes an identity statement and personality trait.

A lot of people who use that phrasing don’t understand that for most people with bipolar disorder, they’re not having constant mood swings. They may have one or two mood episodes a year. For example, in the past, I tended to get depressed in the late fall and winter and then I would head into hypomania/mania in the spring/summer. Some of that was triggered by trauma, diet, poor lifestyle choices, and substances. Even the wrong medication caused psychosis and hallucinations in me. (Yes, prescribed medication made my symptoms worse, which isn’t discussed enough.)

Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder rooted in many physiological issues that causes fluctuating episodes of mania or hypomania (which is milder than mania) and depression. Episodes can last several days to weeks, and between episodes there may be seasons of stability. Mania and depression are broken down by the following symptoms below.

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Mental Illness Awareness Week: What I Want You to Know

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has designated October 6-12 as Mental Illness Awareness Week. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Depression, and Bipolar Disorder by the time I was 18. Here’s what I want people to know about mental illness, based on my personal journey:

There is no blood test for a mental illness diagnosis. I was diagnosed based on symptoms presenting during a stressful life stage, when I was very ill physically.

I tried numerous medications to suppress the symptoms. Some helped a little. Some made my symptoms worse.

I felt completely disconnected from my body and life for years. I didn’t trust my feelings. I hated my brain.

I allowed my label to become my identity, resigning myself to a life of brokenness and mental instability.

After the birth of my daughter twenty years ago, I started making small changes to my lifestyle, seeing improvements in my mental health as a result.

I never realized how sleep, movement, relaxation, and nutrition practices played a huge role in my mental health. This was a game-changer.

When I discovered the gut-brain connection over ten years ago, everything fell into place. My symptoms were no longer compartmentalized. I felt validated.

I share my story in hope that we can grow in awareness that recovery is possible. Putting a severe mental illness into remission is possible. I’m living proof of this.

I hope that one day, practitioners will place as much of an emphasis on getting to the root of symptoms as they do in diagnosing from a checklist and suppressing them. We can’t have awareness without solutions. But until then, I’ll keep sharing my story—and all the tools I’ve picked up along the way.

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Do We Need More Mental Health Awareness?

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Here’s my controversial opinion: we don’t need more mental health awareness. We need more tools to get well and stay well. We need practitioners willing to think outside the box, beyond the checklists and low-efficacy treatments.

At 18, I met the criteria for a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

When I was diagnosed, I experienced symptoms of hypomania and mania that impaired functioning for weeks at a time, such as:

racing thoughts
lack of sleep
grandiosity
heightened energy
impulsivity
increased risk-taking

I also experienced symptoms of depression that impaired functioning, for weeks at a time, such as:

low mood
inability to get out of bed
sleeping too much
no joy in previously joyful activities
no motivation
fatigue
hopelessness

BUT there were many other things going on in my physical body that were not addressed. Nobody blinked at chronic antibiotic use, chronic strep infections, or mononucleosis occurring at the same time. Nobody looked at trauma, hormones, or cortisol. Nobody looked at lab data at all.

Getting a diagnosis to match my symptoms didn’t give me information about the cause of the disorder or a solution to manage it.

I had to figure that out on my own.

I was very aware that my mental health wasn’t okay.

I didn’t need “mental health awareness.” I needed tools. I needed to process what a diagnosis would look like for my future. I got a label and meds that came with terrible side effects (and did little to tame my symptoms or treat the root).

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Yep, Ultra Processed Foods Are Really That Bad

The BMJ just published the world’s largest scientific review of its kind, involving almost 10 million people from 45 meta-analyses, stating that diets high in processed food are linked to 32 harmful health effects. This includes cancer, asthma, mental illness, heart disease, and more.

The review defined ultra processed foods as “ready to eat products, including packaged snacks, carbonated soft drinks, instant noodles, and ready-made meals.” They are “composed of chemically modified substances extracted from foods, along with additives to enhance taste, texture, appearance, and durability, with minimal to no inclusion of whole foods.”

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How to Get to the Root, Once and For All

Do you relate to any of the following symptoms?

Cravings for sugar and overly processed foods.
Asthma and allergies.
Recurring illness and overuse of antibiotics.
Frequent yeast infections.
Debilitating depression.
Racing thoughts and anxiety.
Headaches and foggy thinking.
Nasty PMS.
Low immune tolerance.
IBS symptoms and gastrointestinal upset.

I experienced all of these… once upon a time

Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me they were all connected. I went to one specialist for the mood issues, one for the allergies and breathing issues, one for the hormones, never being told that one impacted the other. No recommended treatments looked at root cause resolution.

Nine and a half years ago I was introduced to gut health, nutrition, and supplements to support whole-body healing. And one by one, the issues I had struggled with for a lifetime began improving.

Because of the health I found, I started sharing my story. I won’t stop.

My health journey isn’t linear. It isn’t compartmentalized to symptoms/diagnosis. It’s a collection of puzzle pieces, impacted by my DNA, personal and family trauma history, toxic burden, stress, health issues in utero and through childhood, nutrient sufficiency (or insufficiency), and so much more.

It’s never just one thing.

We must think beyond our labels. Then we can collect the puzzle pieces to restore healing.

If you are feeling burdened by your chronic issues, I am here. I am listening, and I want to partner with you to promote revitalized health in your body.

Let’s put the puzzle pieces together! Reach out if you need support. I’d love to work with you. Learn more about what I do and the labs I offer here.

Why I No Longer Subscribe to the Culture of Intuitive Eating (especially from a mental health perspective)

It is physiologically impossible to intuitively eat food that has been designed to hijack your brain chemicals.

It’s not your fault that you can’t stop eating processed foods like chips, gummy candy, cereal, cookies, and frozen treats. These foods have been chemically altered to have the perfect combination of sugar, salt, and fat to tease your flavor palate but never truly satisfy you.

Studies show that adults and children will choose highly processed foods even when satiated. Children who have regular access to highly processed foods experience an increased willingness to gain access to these foods for positive reinforcement (that drug-like, addicting effect).

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Big News: Book Contract and Website Makeover Coming Soon!

Time to share some big news! I just signed a two-book contract with Tyndale Publishing!

It has been my dream since I was a very young girl to be a writer. Before I even dreamed of marrying and having kids, I wanted to write words. Lots of words. I wanted to open people up to worlds and ideas they hadn’t thought of before (there’s a very large container in my garage filled with spiral-bound evidence of this).

Then life happened. Trauma. Mental health mayhem. Meds. More trauma. A surprise pregnancy.

I thought that I needed to give up my dream, let it go and send it back with my other childhood fantasies (like winning an Oscar or singing The National Anthem at the World Series – ha)!

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PTSD Awareness Month Part Two: How I Supported My Body with CPTSD Symptoms

Last fall, after trying out a new mind-body therapy, my body was triggered into complex PTSD symptoms. These symptoms included: hypervigilance, disturbing flashbacks and nightmares, irrational fear, irritability, disconnect and distrust in my personal relationships, low self-worth and hopelessness, and an overall sense of waiting for the worst thing to happen.

Due to years of unprocessed, stored trauma, these symptoms were almost debilitating and lasted for close to eight months.

Because I know that trauma is not just in my head, and moving out of trauma involves engaging the whole body, I utilized a handful of tools to find regulation again.

Continue reading →

PTSD Awareness Month Part One: How PTSD Affects Your Health

While most everyone will experience trauma at some point in their lives, not everyone who experiences trauma will experience PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms.

Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is caused by ongoing trauma that lasts for months or years, whereas PTSD is caused by a single traumatic event.

However, both create symptoms that negatively impact the body.

Symptoms of PTSD include:

Anxiety or depression
Intrusive thoughts or flashbacks
Feelings of low self-worth
Feelings of hypervigilance
Mood swings
Panic attacks
Feeling triggered “for no reason”
Easily startled or frightened
Zoning out or losing chunks of time
Guilt or shame
Irritability, outbursts, angry behavior
Trouble concentrating
Trouble feeling emotions, feeling numb

Both PTSD and CPTSD can cause a person to feel alone, damaged, worthless, and completely different from other people – so you may feel like nobody could ever understand you or what happened to you. This makes relationships and friendships extremely difficult, and isolation (or playing possum) is real.

The physical effects of PTSD are far-reaching and not limited to the following:

It alters gut bacteria and creates digestive issues, which may lead to inflammation or poor neurotransmitter function long-term.
It creates anxiety and hypervigilance that come out of seemingly nowhere. This may feel like chest pains, headaches, or stomachaches.
It increases resting pulse rate and blood pressure – or drops it too low. When the body is in a high cortisol, sympathetic dominant state, blood pressure and pulse rate can be higher, but over time, the low cortisol compensatory effect may lead to very low resting heart rate and pulse, which creates symptoms of dizziness or vertigo.
It creates restless sleep and impacts cortisol awakening response, leading to blood sugar imbalances.
It can make you crave quick-fueling foods like processed carbs, sugar, or drugs/alcohol for numbing.
It can cause numbness and tingling throughout the body, dizziness, or out-of-body feelings.

If you are experiencing or have experienced these symptoms, it’s not all in your head and you’re not alone. Finding treatment for the root cause is draining. BUT. There is hope. I’ll share more on that in part two.